Necessary Items
-Helium balloon, with string or ribbon attached

Well for my sixteenth birthday I got a helium-filled mylar balloon, with a ribbon attached to it. This gave me the great idea of killing myself with it. Just follow these steps and you, too, can end the pain and torment of your life. How am I writing this if I'm dead? Post-humous uploading, of course.

The balloon itself.

STEP 1 : Take the ribbon or string like so...

...and tie it into a noose.

STEP 2 : While holding the balloon in your left hand use your right hand to get the noose around your neck, until you look like me in the picture above.

STEP 3 : Now let go of the balloon. The noose will tighten; either snapping your neck, or strangling you. Make sure the ceiling is high enough. Sorry about the crappy quality of this pic, but I was dying when I took it.