How can you survive?

Follow these simple tips, and we promise you'll only be horribly maimed.

In event of a major terrorist attack, you may become an unholy creature of the night, in which case you must choose your clothing carefully. In event of the US government falling due to terrorist attack, you may be forced to use your organs as currency. CAUTION: Missouri only has 3 hospitals, they may become crowded.
Before leaving a building, make sure all of your hands/feet are accounted for. CAUTION: Skanking during a terrorist attack may result in spontaneous cumbustion. When trapped under rubble, it is important to remain clean and dirt-free.
For those of you who are illiterate, you may still survive, and take pleasure in the fact that all the book-learnin' in the world ain't gonna help you when your only food are the rats that feed on the corpses of your co-workers. When trapped under rubble, flaslight raves are the perfect way to pass the time. In the event of falling drywall, your $3000 computer will make the perfect canopy for kissing your sorry ass goodbye.
Some terrorists may try to trick and confuse you by shrinking your house untill it is only around 11 feet tall. Do not be fooled, and instead take shelter inside your newly aquired midget house! If the attack is large enough, the terrorists may even shrink the major streets in your town. This is actually a bonus, as it makes it easier for you to locate your midget house. Translation: Less Cancer, More Cancer, Mucho Grande Cancer.
REMEMBER: Radiation cannot travel around objects, and it is stopped by the average sheet of plywood. Pinkeye is one of the most common side effects of massive exposure to chemical/biological weapons. All red signs are your friend. Follow them without question.
In the event of a terrorist attack, do not kill wildlife and leave it lying around. That is icky. If you're still living in Texas, you deserve all the terrorism you get.